There are SO many voices. If I were to listen to and apply all the “advice” that I am given…I would need about 50 more hours in the day to…..
make Pinterest crafts/make all meals homemade/ sell 50 products/ have a 4.0/ but don’t go to school because women need to “focus on family”/ but still get my PhD cause I am a woman and women need to “conquer the world”/be involved in the community/but not too much because I need to make my house look perfect (with Pinterest’s help)/ eat clean- so I can live long/ not eat clean because that annoys people/ go to the gym to look good/ but don’t look too good because that annoys people/ go to all meetings/bring dishes to all those meetings/have more kids/dont have more kids/be authentic/but don’t admit to having any problems ….and learn Spanish. ………….etc.etc
Brene Brown (PhD , Researcher, Author, my superhero) recommends taking a littttttle piece of paper (like one inch by one inch) and writing the names of the people whose opinions truly matter to you in that space. It is intentionally small, so you are forced to narrow it down to your top 3 or 4 people. The people who will love you in your pretty-life-awesome moments, and wont change their opinions of you of you in your tearful-Oreo binge- ugly moments.
When the time comes to make tough choices, to keep going when people are ragging on you, when you feel like you can’t take one more ounce of criticism….pull out that piece of paper.
Remember whose opinions truly matter. The people on that one inch sheet of paper will be there till the very end. Most people you know now will not be an active part in your life in ten years. Their role can be valuable and important now, but if they are not pouring life into you…remember your list.
And add your name to that list.
In the end it will be you, God…and those few people. Apply outside voices only when helpful.
Flashback Friday:Originally posted on July 7, 2014
If you think of all the reasons you shouldn’t, you never will. There are too many logical reasons why you shouldn’t venture out and pursue the life you want. The number one reason: You are going to look a little crazy. First of all I don’t think most people pay as much attention to us as we may think. And the ones that do……if they weren’t critiquing you, they would be critiquing someone else. Its what they do, it helps them feel warm and fuzzy inside. Be glad you could be of service. Intelligence is often measured through abstract reasoning/thought. When you think in abstract ways you move beyond the “here and now”….and are able to draw something more to a situation. You think creatively. You see different methods and more options. You are not limited. Some people call this crazy. I call it genius. Moving beyond whats expected and willing to put yourself out there a little. Its not just enough to have a talent, or great ideas…you have to do something. You have to BE a little crazy instead of just think a little crazy. They may laugh at first…but later they will be asking what your secret is. You will have to tell them its ….”being a little crazy”.
“The Problem is not that we have too great concepts of ourselves that we cannot live up to; the problem is that our concepts of ourselves are too meager to let us be all that we were born to be“
Prochaska & Norcross on Person-Centered Therapy
It seems like a lot of people have an ego problem. That a lot of people seem self absorbed, and not conscientious of those around them. However, I believe that most people don’t really know who they are. Regardless of how it may appear, very few people are confident and have much direction. They don’t understand what they are capable of, and the power that they have within them.
This power isn’t as simple and as boring as obtaining money or building a name for yourself. That’s simple. A lot of people have done that. And a lot of those people have died from substance abuse or suicide. What we were “born to be” goes way beyond certain cars or careers.
I think true confidence shows when you can move beyond issues pertaining to yourself and you gain a deep interest and respect for those around you. Its like when your child gets older and you feel more comfortable leaving them alone so you can do other things. You don’t run to their every sound at that point. You are confident that they are alright and you can place your focus on something else. This does not mean that you don’t love them, you just realize that they are not a baby anymore, and you trust them. When we are confident in who we are, we are okay with not having to have every material thing , every need met, every little hurt attended to….because we know that we are okay, and that there is a bigger task at hand.
We were made for more than attending to our own cries. We have greater potential than settle for an western view of success. We cheapen the act of serving and loving as if those were acts reserved for little old church ladies who have nothing else to do. So that’s where I am at right now. I’m trying to move beyond little goals and small dreams that center around “me”. I want to be confident enough, to move beyond myself, and see a bigger picture. We were born to recreate and leave something behind. Cars, houses, clothes will be trash in the end. “All that we were born to be” moves way beyond these material things, and gives attention to those around us.
I get up early. A lot of people think this comes naturally for me. But it doesn’t.
But that’s not what this post is about.
This post is about that early morning conversation that I have with myself that I cannot trust. The one that says, “oh just this one time it doesn’t matter….” or “Go ahead…you deserve to sleep in…you had a long night”. Never trust your early morning logic.
When things are hard, when emotions are intense…that’s not the best time to make a decision.
- When you are in middle of your workout, that’s not the time to decide how long you will work out.
- When you are in middle of a fight that is not the time to label your relationship.
- When you just lost a client, or had a slow week, that’s not the time to decide the fate of your business.
Know what you stand for. Put it in writing. And do not waiver from what you decide when things get hard. When you are in middle of the “hard part” (waking up, working out, loving someone, serving, etc) you will tend to compromise.
Do not listen to that “early morning logic” it will tell you to do whats easy, not whats right.
*Flashback Friday * Originally Posted on June 9, 2014
Sometimes I have a tendency to look in my past…and kinda camp out there.
Sometimes its good, because I remember some really awesome events/relationships. And I enjoy remembering them. They are valuable memories. Other times, I camp out in regret. Wishing I hadn’t done certain things, or let go of other things too easily.
You can kill yourself doing this. Literally. Regret…sucks. But NOTHING can change what is already gone. Nothing.
Even with good memories…you can unintentionally think that those “good times” are over. Like you can only enjoy your present by watching a rerun of what already happened.
However…If we decide to…
The best can be YET to come.
The best relationships (or best version of a current), The best memories, or experiences…
The best version of YOU…….is yet to come.
We have the power to change our circumstances, and our lives.
The past is nice to glance back at every once in awhile. But camping out there will cripple you. It will cause you to place less emphasis on NOW and I don’t want to regret doing that.
Time is too valuable. Our lives are too valuable. The best is yet…
My pastor was talking about something Sunday that I wish the whole world could of heard.
If I would of had an extra megaphone lying around I would of handed it to him.
Yes, it was that good.
How many times have we heard someone say, (or maybe said it ourselves..) that they need to “pray about something” or…”need to make sure I am led”.
The following is not meant to discredit hearing from God, or being sensitive to His obvious “yes” or “no”s. This is just to remember that He has already given us a big fat “YES” in His word.
Feed the hungry. Pray for the sick. Be friend the widow. Help the orphan. Forgive your mother. Give your coat. Give money to the poor. Make disciples. Share His message, Proclaim, Baptize, Cleanse lepers, Cast out demons. Welcome strangers. Visit prisoners.
He said to go.
So why do we not run with the green light that we have…and wait till He tells us no? Instead of waiting for Him to repeat what He has already said?
Do you think God will be upset if you sponsor a child from this organization instead of that one? Do you think He will curse you if you help a ministry or start one, without hearing an angel from heaven blow a trumpet?
We are afraid, so we act like He didn’t speak. But He did. We will be held accountable to that.
God will direct us with specifics….when we start moving. We just need to be moving. It does not mean that you need to be apart of EVERYTHING. But it means you need to be apart of something. You need to be doing something.
You have your yes. You have your green light. You are led. Its called the Bible. And He says
“Go for it.”
“Within a moment there is monumental potential. That is the mystery of a moment. It is small enough to ignore and big enough to change your life forever”
-Erwin Raphael McManus (Seizing your Divine Moment)
It’s easy to think that what you do today doesn’t matter. You can skip the gym this one time.You can not put forth the effort and take “an easy day” (just this once). You can ignore…..just for a minute what is inside of you to do.
But today matters.
There are repercussions for the little things, not just the big ones. Your day today, has monumental potential. You will sell yourself short of the end goal if you do not value and place emphasis on the small steps that it takes to get there.
Flashback Friday: Originally Posted on May 23, 2014